ABreak

This past week has been a great way to relieve stress.  With the minor break from school and the chance to catch up with old friends and family, and also a time to give thanks for what we have.  I am still not fully healed or to my full potential so I can get back to my gymnastics and dancing resume, but that will hopefully come by the end of Christmas break.

A large realization hit me over this break.

Life.

Life hit me.

Talking with my parents about the things they have, and the things I want made me realize how quickly I am growing up.  As well as everyone around me.  It seems like senior year in high school was only yesterday.  Obviously there are many more responsibilities that we must take care of and calculate into the equations of our daily life.  But my parents really made me realize what I am going to have to do very soon.

Added to this conversation, my injuries have not helped me keep hope for my passion of becoming a professional dancer/artist.

But God has a plan for me.

I cannot give up or doubt myself.  The transition from being a teenager to being an adult have made me only want to achieve my goals even more.  I can only pray that I am aided in school and my body is assisted to heal.  

There is a silver lining.  But I just am unable to see through all the grey.

WhyShouldIWorry

Sometimes I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear
And I cant help but ask myself how much I'll let the fear take the wheel and steer.  


Lyrics from a great Incubus song.  

As of late, during the weekly grind, like anyone else, I have had the turmoils of life thrown at me.  Feeling weathered and overexerted.  But there is always tomorow and I will be ready for whatever it has.  Training what I love, gymnastics and breakdancing, takes up a very large amount of time and energy.  This makes school increasingly harder and more difficult.  The obvious stress of being a college student and having a large amount expected of you has started to make a large impression on my mind.  

These lyrics reflect what my random thoughts exhibit sometimes.  There is a large amount of uncertainty everyone faces everyday about the tasks of today, the people in your circle,  the consequences of certain urges, the everlasting question of what if?, the doubt in ourselves that is inevitable.

And many a time we will let these things affect our present state of mind.  But in the end when these things are overwith, will any of that stress and worrying be worth it?  I know this is like saying never worry again, which is impossible, but lately I have been trying to greatly reduce the amount of which I worry and look at things from a logical standpoint.  Because it will all be over soon enough.  I still put pressure on myself occasionally to accomplish what I want, but when things come that are out of my control, I feel it is best to let things ride themselves out and play like a drifter.  Say, a spider web or a lilly pad.  In this case more so like a kite.  A kite drifts freely in the wind, but is controlled by the human, who decides where it will fly, and when it will come down.  We as humans are not in control over many things in this lifetime.  The wind.  It can take us anywhere and everywhere. 

Why not enjoy the ride?  

And if danger or tribulations approach lets say a tree, we have enough control over ourselves to bring ourselves back.  

These are hard times my friend.

We are all flying our kites in dead forests.  Ones with leafless tress and branches reaching out waiting to claw our kites down.  Maybe if we just try to learn to drift above the trees.....

All these stresses and worries are not worth the time and effort.  We need to learn to be able to see past the trees and focus on ascension.  Tomorrow is a new day with new weather.

But whatever tomorrow brings I'll be there.  

Song of the mood - Incubus - Drive

What'sGoingOn

I haven't been as consistent with blogging as I'd like.  I hope I'll get to a few posts this weekend when I have more time.  But here's what's happening

- School. Gotta pass.  Working as hard as I can

- Gymnastics.  Slowly but surely getting there

- Bboying.  Coming up.  Mad inspired more than ever.  Time to REALLY take what I've learned and put it into action and make my name.  175 Num-Skul Revolution. Doubt = Death. MurderDeathKill

- Music.  May be getting into it more.  And new releases = whole new life.  Definitely need to update my library.

- Knowledge.  Learned so much these past few months.  Lots of new perspectives and philosophies developing and being tweaked.  Thoughts everywhere.

- Social life.  Everything seems so blurred. am I too ____? not enough ____?

- The one.  I hope she's alright.  Hopefully things can work out

- Finding His way.  Trying to really feel God's voice in my life and find my path and follow His orders


Lots more happening.  Even more on my mind.  This is just a post to overview what I will be writing about in the next few weeks.  More consistent posts coming soon.

Song of the mood - Smif N Wessun - Rekognize

Be blessed all.

- Contra

Can'tFocus

Over time water fills up the cloud goes grey
maximum capacity then releases in rain.
my mind is filled stays all thoughts maintained.
can't loosen the reigns.
bore holes in my brain.
must maim.
bleed out the strain
empty the contained.
no release available spill my thoughts on this page.
I pray to God I find my peace of mine I hate this stage of emotions
fighting over which ones have focus.
but it's a stalemate.
Conscious feels nothing less than air weighs.
Can't sit still anxious antsy up on my feet still
too much on the mind but can't see the singular details.
Overloaded by lifes full discography and stress follows me I hope tommorow don't swallow me.
Too much to think about barely can function don't know where to start in these jumbled conjunctions.
Just need to tune out everything be able to think straight can't handle the deadweight desperately need to levitate maybe just get away

JustDon't

School, homework, gymnastics, crew, bboying, dancing, friends, and a social life?  all of this on my plate.  And couldn't be happier.  Everything is picking up now.  Yet I still feel like I am having a good time throughout all these fluxations and changes.  I'm thankful for the challenges God has put in front of me.  I was watching an interview with one of the bboys I saw at Who Came To Serve, a bboy event thrown by my good friends Self-Xplanatory Crew this year for their 15th year anniversary.  The interview talked about how he balances being a full time employee, father with 2 children, and full time bboy with his crew BattleBorn.  Everything in the world being thrown at this guy.  And still manages to compete at the level he does.  

Made me think

"This dance is a test.  Everything around you is asking you, can you do this.  Not can you do this move, can you dedicate yourself to go to practice.  And this question gets bigger and bigger as time goes on.  I've seen many people go down in more ways than one.  And there is a balance.If you really love it you are going to make it work. The struggles around you actually help you.  People give up.  AND JUST. DON'T."  - Roland

Everyday is a test thrown before us.  Everyday there are struggles and challenges we have to face.  Everybody has "things they have to do" Everybody is "busy."  But are they really?  Is it really that bad that they have to give up? 

I don't think so.

God created us as human beings.  Yes we have limits, but we are meant to push those limits.  The human body is built strong.  Built to endure.  Our minds, I think, are our own for our building.  If we condition ourselves to push.  To ignore the "pain."  We are limitless.  But we give up.  

We shouldn't

Just. Don't.  

I start class at 9, my last class ends at 3.  Practice 3:15-7ish. Crew practice 8-11ish.  Get home at midnight.  Homework till I pass out at about 4.  It definitely takes a toll.  But I love what I do and know what I have to take care of.  Priorities must come first.  But  I will find a way to make it work.  God will help me through.  Barely sleep.  Body hurts, brain hurts, pride hurts.

Feelings?

They feel fine.

No matter the negative backlash I may get for how I do things.  For what I see as important.  For who I am.  I will never lose my focus.  May God help me stay straight on my path.  In His way, and in my way.  He has a plan for me.  I'm being tested.  I can feel it.  And it could all end tomorrow if I decide to give up.   

People give up.  But me? I just don't.

Let's wreck.

 

   

HumanDoing

What are you? A human being? Or a human doing?  The message at church this morning really hit me.  Us as Christians should strive for the supernatural Christian life as opposed to average normal one.  The pastor today made a reference to "fast food" as Christians usually tend to go for what they prefer in the faith.  Too afreaid to dig deeper in the faith and stroll off the path that you have set for yourself.  Too lazy to get spiritually healthier. The pastor gave remarkable examples of the Holy Spirit speaking to him on numerous occasions.  Divine Inspiration. 

It's time to start having those experiences.  Are we too afraid? Too scared we may have to change our lifestyles too much? What is stopping us? We as the younger generation have no fear.  And the adults have to catch up to us.  God gave us limitless potential through him.  All we have to do is trust Him and ask.  We have to do.  A human being is simply there.  That isn't enough.  We must do.  I know that yesterday's interaction with Dtrix and Jason and then me to hear the message this morning was no coincidence.  This was God straightening me out in the right direction.  Speaking to me.  Letting me know he's there.  I feel even more inspired to pursue my next steps.  It's time to quit living that ordinary life.  To listen to the Holy Spirit.  To do something. 

It's time to be a human doing. 

RealizationInspirationWithDtrixAndJason

Tonight I had the opportunity to dance with, and later chill with Dominic Sandoval and Jason Magsuci.  2 very talented dancers who are making mad noise.  Being a hardcore Hiphop head, I had a lot of questions to ask Dtrix about what he thought about the whole controversy with what's bboying and what's not, what's real Hiphop and what's fake.  I've always been a fan of his bboying, and it was really cool to get to interact with him and actually ask him these questions that I'd been dying to get an opinion on from someone in his shoes. Listening to him talk made me realize even more what the truth is.  What's dope is dope. What's whack is whack.  There are many different scenes and all the people in it will have their own views.  But what makes Hiphop and dancing what they are is that there is difference.  Originality.  Controversy.  Despite the hate he gets, all the OG bboys give him respect for what he does. It solidified in my mind that Dtrix is definitely a true bboy even if he doesn't live the lifestyle anymore.  It will always be a part of him and he'll always have the flavor and style.

Jason was probably one of the coolest people I've ever met.  Too cool.  He was so kicked back and relaxed.  Sat back in the cut. Reminded me a lot of how I am.  Even though he wasn't a hardcore bboy at any point in his life,  he still shared so much knowledge with me about it.  He knew everything about the culture and lifestyle.  And being just a dancer in general we agreed and connected on so many different things.  He reinforced the concept of staying true to yourself in all aspects.  And that God has a plan for you even if it will take you off the path you are on right now.  It was really good to see that there are other dancers who are on the path of righteousness and that He can shine through us like he does through Jason.  He dropped mad knowledge on me about the industry, motivation,  and connected dance to life in so many ways.  You can't send a ratatta against a gyrados.

It was mad dope being able to connect with these 2 guys on a personal level.  Being able to see that they're people just like us.  Chilling with them and my friends at 2am in the morning.  Kicking it and vibing.  Just talking about doing the things we love.  Inspiring me to keep on the path that I'm on and pursue my dreams of becoming a professional bboy.  Talking to these guys who have been through a lot and are killing it now was ridiculously dope to me.  Mad inspiring.  Can't even sleep right now how hype I am. 

Dom, Jason,  I hope our paths cross again soon.  Keep on doing what you guys know best.  Mad respect to the both of you

Go

As all good things must come to an end
eventually the peace tenses as the drama begins.
scond guesses arise about things and then
I'm not as sure about areas once confident.
It's a funny thing when you're on the fence
and little insignificant things begin to make dents
while I'm here trying to make a little sense
of these events that tense me feelings just awaiting the end.
Whe one wants to go through with what the heart tells you,
to do it pursue but hesitation starts to spell you've
caught up your thoughts into a mess confused you yell to
yourself in your head.
Why is it that ambitions that rage sometimes end up dead?
So the only thing to do is to go through with it then
and attack it so it matches original intent

OnlyJusPondering

O the things that the mind comes across when a task to focus on ceases to be.  The day is gone. The night is here.  The new day is at hand.  The mind begins to wander.  More than often problems seem to arise.  Naturally, everything and everyone is to blame.  Everyone. Everything.  All but ourselves.  Excuses arise.  And only multiply hiding the answers.  There come momments of pure spontanious impulses.  Solutions. Reactions.  Desires. Possibilities. Scenarios. Outcomes.  But only to ourselves. Hesitant we are to share them.   But will they ever leave the mind?  Will the obvious wants which are implanted ever make their debut to the known world? Or will we consciously imprison our subconsciousness?  Why is it? That incorporating these strands of our psyche, into our daily activities, simply fails to happen?  Only our in our comfort zone.  Only then will the solutions, the reactions, the desires, the possiblities, the scenarios, the outcomes. Flow.  And may never see the light of day.  The lack of distractions.  The calming feelings.  Bring out the best thoughts.  And the worst excuses as to why.  Why they cannot transform into reality.  Why the concepts remain concepts.  Because we want it.  Want them to be.  But are afraid to make real.  So there they will be.  In the head.  Locked away.  Begging to be released.  Only to be forced out when craving sympathy.  And then.  We may become happy.  But how? Because we want others to feel.  To know.  OUR situations.  OUR stories.  OUR experiences.  As the mind has nothing.  Nothing to focus on.  Nothing to distract from itself.  It only thinks.  Thinks of itself.  And projects these wishes.  The wishes which could be.  Be real.   And we could have simply told.  Told through action.  But instead.  We wait.  Wait for the outburst.  Wait for the forcing.    When maybe.  Maybe.  With these thoughts. And with these wants.  In which our mind manifests.  As it has no other tasks.  Maybe.  Maybe.  We should just flow.  And with it, go.

Song of the mood - Grayskul - Medicinal Useage

ANightOnTheDock

This one goes out to all my friends, family, people I care about, newfound acquaintances whom I value, and those who I don't know right now that this will pertain to who will eventually read this.

Sitting on the dock right now at my cousin's lakehouse on torch lake in Michigan.  It's the clearest and bluest lake in the United States.  It's about 10 but it's still a little bright out.  But the first star came out.  There's fireworks coming from 2 different places.  I'm bumping the album Midnight Vibes By Slik D on my ipod.  Pure relaxation.  complete tranquility.  The time like this I get to myself is really dope.  I love it. 

But lately, and at times like this especially,  I've been wanting to share these moments with friends and people I care about.  I feel like these moments are the essence of me.

 I'm looking out at the fireworks and I can't wait for the 4th of July coming to blow things up.  Fireworks make me think of passion, drive, vibrance, courage, big moments.  They go really big and get oohs and ahhs from everyone, but then disappear into the night. 

Much like many of the experiences we have in life.  That's the effect manyphases, people, and events have been having on my friends and I lately.  So many short lived but great things that just happen to fade away into memories. 

And then I look up at the stars.

Not as explosive and attracting but tstill there and dope to me.  Only a little light, but always there.  I do my best to be a star.  Always being there, and although sometimes not the most aesthetically pleasing, but beautiful once you take the time to appreciate it.  And over time, having a relaxing and tranquil effect on you.  As opposed to the firework which is awesome and big but short lived.  but there are usually multiple in a row so your attention is distracted to that one after the first one dies out. 

I feel like I haven't had too many firework moments but I've always been more of a star.  Even though they're not there all the time, because nothing can be, you can always reach them at night.  I hope I've been a star to you all.  Or eventually wil become one.  Everlasting. Always there. Especially in the dark.  Lightly shining.  waiting for a glance if ever needed.

Song of the mood - Supernova - Slik D 

AndItAllBegan

This is my first blog post ever.  Many a time I have found myself writing down my thoughts, rhymes, random things in my phone.  When I'd show my friends these blurbs some of them recommended I blog.  I decided to take it up because 1, my phone is running out of room, and 2, it will serve as a home and record for all my creative works.

I write a lot of rhymes/poetry.  Hip-Hop influenced.  I also write random things that are going through my head as I observe the scenery around me.  I make metaphors through what I see.  Everything just being interpereted by me.  I thought maybe it was time to share what's been locked away in this mind of mine.

Here you will find many of my thoughts that are conjured up as a result of late night insomnia.  Life, love, Hip-Hop, and everything inbetween.  My thought processes that I spend hours on writing and letting flow out of my mind onto my phone, and now the web.  Check back for frequent updates and spastic randomness.  Maybe once in a while you'll find something you like.

Or.

Maybe you'll learn something.