Can'tFocus

Over time water fills up the cloud goes grey
maximum capacity then releases in rain.
my mind is filled stays all thoughts maintained.
can't loosen the reigns.
bore holes in my brain.
must maim.
bleed out the strain
empty the contained.
no release available spill my thoughts on this page.
I pray to God I find my peace of mine I hate this stage of emotions
fighting over which ones have focus.
but it's a stalemate.
Conscious feels nothing less than air weighs.
Can't sit still anxious antsy up on my feet still
too much on the mind but can't see the singular details.
Overloaded by lifes full discography and stress follows me I hope tommorow don't swallow me.
Too much to think about barely can function don't know where to start in these jumbled conjunctions.
Just need to tune out everything be able to think straight can't handle the deadweight desperately need to levitate maybe just get away

JustDon't

School, homework, gymnastics, crew, bboying, dancing, friends, and a social life?  all of this on my plate.  And couldn't be happier.  Everything is picking up now.  Yet I still feel like I am having a good time throughout all these fluxations and changes.  I'm thankful for the challenges God has put in front of me.  I was watching an interview with one of the bboys I saw at Who Came To Serve, a bboy event thrown by my good friends Self-Xplanatory Crew this year for their 15th year anniversary.  The interview talked about how he balances being a full time employee, father with 2 children, and full time bboy with his crew BattleBorn.  Everything in the world being thrown at this guy.  And still manages to compete at the level he does.  

Made me think

"This dance is a test.  Everything around you is asking you, can you do this.  Not can you do this move, can you dedicate yourself to go to practice.  And this question gets bigger and bigger as time goes on.  I've seen many people go down in more ways than one.  And there is a balance.If you really love it you are going to make it work. The struggles around you actually help you.  People give up.  AND JUST. DON'T."  - Roland

Everyday is a test thrown before us.  Everyday there are struggles and challenges we have to face.  Everybody has "things they have to do" Everybody is "busy."  But are they really?  Is it really that bad that they have to give up? 

I don't think so.

God created us as human beings.  Yes we have limits, but we are meant to push those limits.  The human body is built strong.  Built to endure.  Our minds, I think, are our own for our building.  If we condition ourselves to push.  To ignore the "pain."  We are limitless.  But we give up.  

We shouldn't

Just. Don't.  

I start class at 9, my last class ends at 3.  Practice 3:15-7ish. Crew practice 8-11ish.  Get home at midnight.  Homework till I pass out at about 4.  It definitely takes a toll.  But I love what I do and know what I have to take care of.  Priorities must come first.  But  I will find a way to make it work.  God will help me through.  Barely sleep.  Body hurts, brain hurts, pride hurts.

Feelings?

They feel fine.

No matter the negative backlash I may get for how I do things.  For what I see as important.  For who I am.  I will never lose my focus.  May God help me stay straight on my path.  In His way, and in my way.  He has a plan for me.  I'm being tested.  I can feel it.  And it could all end tomorrow if I decide to give up.   

People give up.  But me? I just don't.

Let's wreck.